After these few days...I finally come to a conclusion that no point going on like this...having a love life like mine is like surving on a diet of hope...Liking someone is real tired....surving in this realistic world..where no one give a damn....longing for someone is even worse...just continue my life not caring about the other side of me is better....need not suffer so much like now....sometime when I call everyday...maybe you might not find me bothering...but still sometime I find myself a bother...I wonder how come you don't find me a bother...am i too sensitive or over paranoid....I don't know...haiz....maybe should find something to do...better than nothing to do...maybe should start learning now as you pin so much hope on me to learn..until now I still learn that little.......something I should hold on yet I hold on to nonsense for so long.....sad to say I don't believe in god so my life I will have to walk it out myself alone....should be contented that at least I still have this little boi at home with me these few years maybe you can only accompany me another few more years....some people only know how to "talk" about others and when they are good for nothing...maybe in academic...ya I totally a loser but doesn't mean that in other thing I lose to you...in appearance why...pls look in the mirror..you are nothing better also...ya...In height I lose to you but SO WHAT...I bloody hell don't care....anyway stop these thingy...don't waste my time....anyway I just hope that from May..my life will change for better....
Haiz....time passe very fast..things are starting to heat up...anything might happen and I must be ready for it...whether what is going happen...I must face it..coz I'm the only one left...no one else....either I face it or die....not much choice left for me...so many years le...and a sudden "request" came upon...can't deny or run away from it....I hope that all of you don't touch her if not don't blame me...so what even we share to same blood created from the same father and mother...so what you are less fortunate than I am...it doesn't make any sense that you will be granted on wat you request....u wan..u deal with me...for fuck i care whether i should fulfil your desire...if I fulfil you...who is going to fulfil mine....no wonder..ppl always say...siblings fight sometime can end up deadly...now i understand.....you guys are one bunch of heartless freak....I HATE YOU ALL....I donno why...until now...u all still understand...yes I do pity u all coz not as fortunate as I do...BUT is doesn't mean that i need to end up like u guys...and seriously..i am fuckin not afraid of death...ok...hear it dude...but I don wanna leave her alone in this world...after all she brought me up...from a kiddo....facing death is not a big deal after all...anyway I faced twice...another one more time doesn't make a different...my life isn't as good as what you guys thought of....what u all want me to do huh?? knee down and beg....pls lah...any one of you are older than me...can't you all think.....i'm also suffering...i myself also longing...longing much more than you guys long for....if takin my life means so much to you all...take it after she is gone..for all I care....I myself is tired of my life too...the one I love is someone's else lover...the one I care don't even give a damn hell out of me....the one I miss don't even bother to be bothered....U think you all suffered I don't suffered....PLS.....THINK....go and do some self-reflection...cutting my wrist to ease away the pain in my heart...u think I enjoy my life meh...how I also wish that my life can be good...you guys not by my side when I was freakin young...u think I not sure huh?? the loneliness in me and u guys undestand...father good for nothing...mother busy working...and I'm left alone....ALONE!!!!!......this ALONE....is enough...until now....still ALONE...at least the others are by your side....me?? alone fighting and try to survie hard here.....what is done is done....she already tried her best for you guys...what u want her to do....destroying your own blood related brother makes you feel good huh???anyway we should see how....but if u want a deal to be fair for you guys...deal it out with me...my body and soul is here...if you are capable den take it...I'm fine with it...

boi....thanks for the chat last night....happy for you that you are going to higher nitec...study hard....get good GPA and get into poly....well...seems like I'm going to NS earlier...well...still will miss ya you know....haiz....too much things happening now...but don worry....will nv forget you...so u better don forget me...if not I will skin alive....haha...well catch up with u soon...miss ya
haha....today morning woke up by a sms...Mr Swee Tao Li in Hospital...aiyoyo...donno wat happen again...poor boy...tml den I go visit u lah...bear with it...grow up le Navy boi...last night watched this moive named, Take the lead...its a nice and meaningful show and with all the impressive dance that was performed by those wonderful actor and actress...when someone said to you "I've never seen such move" all you need to reply is "I'm sure"...haha...so cocky..first time tried Ben and Jerry Ice cream...Oh My..God...taste so delicious and the portion is so the big....I love it espcieally the fudge on chunk and one of the flavour with alcohol one...I'm lovin it...nothing much..had steamboat for lunch..eating non-stop...Oh mine..I had to stop this kind of habit...I'm getting fatter if I don't stop it....these few days spend my time reading books...and resting....finding new job at the same time...miss so much things in my life...didn't know that by reading books can be so enjoyable.....these few days..had been quite relax coz not so stress as in work...in work everyday got to think of ways to hit target...paranoid about so many things...anyway these few days even thought I'm not stress about work stuff...but a lot of things for me to think and to be done also...longing for someone is so hard...harder than any task that is given to me...longing for someone is a torture...just like a candy infront of a baby and yet one can't get it...it's so miserable...the feeling is really hard to take it...love can be a real torture....distraction and tons of stuff can be created from love...why can't love be more simple and relax....I just don't know why......feelings always want to buck out like water trying it's best to break through a water damp....and yet I got to kept inside as hard as I can...why can't I be allowed to love someone freely like what the others can....my life must it be so miserable....why...why...I just don't get what I want...the first sight is already enough..with all those often bumping into one another make the feeling even worse...the world is too small...why must all these things happen on me...I want a more simple life....looking at your face...I feel so near to you and yet I'm still far from you....haiz....getting closer I wonder will the ending be good or bad....can someone give a solution or a answer please......I totally confused by you....