Don't know why when I saw you stating seeing someone special, I felt that pinch of pain. Sometimes I wonder, what's wrong with my life and why am I making the same mistake over and over again. Falling in love is nothing wrong at all but falling for the wrong person is something you wouldn't even wanna do but end up I always end up doing the same mistake. I'm tired and wounded badly, I don't know why I'm always looking for more and more problem for myself. I asked myself this question so many time over the years, when will I ever learn but again same mistake I made, same problem I brought upon myself. Is there anything wrong? Am I too clinging? Am I expecting too much? Sometime I realise when you try to find the problem and it cannot be found, I guess it lies within me. After tonight, I've made up my mind not to expect anything and decided I'm tired about all these. Not going to wait for love and look for love, this lesson I decided to give up and I think I had enough pain from all these nonsense. Every time I always end up looking like a fool and end up being in the loosing end. I'm also a human being too, I too have feelings and emotion. If this what you want me to go through in life, let me know cause I rather die. Sometime I think living in this world is worse than dying cause my life is like a living hell. Everyone thinks that I'm happy from the way they judge me as it surface on the outside but who really knows what's the feeling inside me. From the start of this year I think love is favoring me at all. Everyone I met were nice and in the end is either they went missing or treat it like a game. I no longer believe in love anymore, people are not genuine as before. There's no light at the end of the tunnel and walking for so long really wore me out. Sometimes I just wanna take a break and forget about everything. If there's a wish for me to make it come true now. I wish to forget everyone, I'm too tired and I don't even know how to continue in this journey in life. Bring me back to the old days when everything was simple and at least I still can smile and laugh like before. I no longer know myself anymore, everything is a lie. Tell me what's true in my life?
After all these while, I realised many things in life is just beyond our control. I've came to a point that I know somethings are like a cart, you can never push it side way. Things that are going to leave, you just got to let them go. Sometime I guess its not meant to be, as time goes by I know things are getting more and more tough. A lot of problem in life I don't blame anyone, I know some problem we ourselves let it happen. No matter what had happen in the past, I choose not to bring it back. Always telling myself you're not as bad as what others had said. Well, this year I realised things are happening too fast and too much. When I sit by the side of street looking at people walking up and down the crowded path, I asked myself " so many people in this place, but non of them were like you". When I look back at those photo, I know things are different and no longer the same. If time can turn back, I really hope that night will stay still and I have so many things to tell you. Even though the whole world might think you're someone with a ugly heart but deep down I know you're not that bad. I miss hearing your voice and those butterfly words. I know the second time I meet you could be the last time in my life and I might not get to see you again in my life anymore but there's nothing more I could ask for and I'm glad you're safe and sound. Somehow deep down, I still hope to see you at Bangkok. I know the chance of seeing you in Bangkok is like don't even hope for it. Well until I reach there will see how.