After so long, why did you come back? I really hate you! Even though I felt attached to you but it was in the past. After all these years, I started to hate you. All the things you did to me whether its purposely, or unintentionally but it hurts. The black beads bond us together and since it broke once, everything changed. Even though it was being put back together but its no longer the same anymore. You took almost my everything and I trusted you so much in the past. I thought that I could believe in you but you make me realised that my believe in you was wrong. I shouldn't have helped you in the first place, I shouldn't have believe you in the first place. You lied to me again and again and I always thought that all are white lies till I finally know that you are not true at all in the first place. You try to be nice and trying to change in front of me but actually you are plotting and trying to reach your ultimate goal. You easily broke the promise and vows you had made, you took my precious memories away and slowing devouring me away. I still don't understand what is your ultimate goal you want from me. All I know is that I have to leave you because one day I will be gone even without knowing how I gone from this place. I won't let you come closer to me anymore not even one step nearer. I need to safe guard myself from you. Your heart is so dark that I can't even see any light within it. You blinded me once with your darkness and I won't gave you any chance to let such things happen again.
Tonight I saw you walking with you bf at my void deck. Its nice of you to acknowledge me and joe discreetly. I understand that its hard to you and you are in difficult position. Recently saw your FB profile changing status in relationship, I don't know how you are copping with it. Anyway if you happen to read my blog, I hope you are doing well and wishing you all the best for your studies and health as well. I understand that its awkward for you to say hi to us because due to some misunderstanding between your bf and my cousin. You have been a good friend to me and I really appreciated all the things you had tought me. In the past when I'm down, you are there to encourage me and give me a hand to pull me up. Even though you and my cousin are longer together but I sincerely hope that you are still doing well. Recently you also went for operation, better take care of your body. No matter what happen to you, I hope that you are happy and leading a better life. Life is short, don't leave any regrets behind even though there is not much accomplishment in life. All the best to you in everything you do and I did miss Vodka too.
May god stay by your side and guide you to the light.
Its has been quite a while since we last met. Still remember how we met and we both had grown up. We stay so near but our heart is so far apart now. Every year during my birthday, I will always think of you and count one of my wishes including you. Hoping that my blessings count you in too. Remember about your smile and that look you always gave. No matter what happen, I sincerely hope that you are doing fine and evey 19 december I will pray hard for you.
Suddenly I realise that actually I'm pathetic. After all some people in my life aren't that true to me. I feels so solo, and maybe after all thats what it suppose to meant to be. Maybe I shouldn't believe in love anymore, staying single maybe is the best choice. I don't need someone to have status, rich, good-looking, well known and etc. I just need someone who is simple and able to understand what I truly want. Eating porridge with salted egg can be happy too. I don't need to have my 3 meals in high class resturants. I don't need Hermes or Gucci to define me, I just want a simple life and be who I want to be. I'm not who you think I am, and I don't need brand to label me. Even if you are able to provide every bag in the shop for me but I wouldn't be happy. I don't need these kind of things to make me happy. I'm just who I am and don't think so highly of me. Don't because I carry some label items you are thinking that I'm sohpisicated. I'm not and anyway I'm not a escort. Even if you gonna buy a Hermes bag, its doesn't mean I am obligated to sleep with you. You totally misunderstood me.
Today went out with Aiko and meet my Junior Zheng Han for a drink. We had so much fun and shop around town with Aiko the whole day. Went to bought my Gucci bag and went to Bonetta Vottega to find Kok yong but he left work already. While walking in Taka, I realise that Aiko wasn't carrying her sawaroski paper bag so I asked her. "Aiko where's your sawaroski paper bag?". She stunned for awhile and realise that she left it at the coffee bean at Ion. We immediately rush to Ion like LV is having sales and head strsight to coffee bean, thanks god the manager kept it for Aiko if not the $265 worth of Sawaroski will be flying off like that swan. Had a great day today and tomorrow going out with Aiko, Kok yong and one of their bestee. So funny when we bump into Kok yong while rushing back to Ion, we told Kok yong what happen to the Sawaroski that thought that Kok yong might rush with us even though he just bump into one of his khaki that he is going to have dinner with. Haha guess what he told Aiko, "girl better go back and get it, bye chee bye get your butt moving quick go" so funny!! I told Aiko that he is go "encouraging lor"..haha
Confession of Shopaholic.
Today got awarded for Best Quality Award with my favourite kakhi, Eliane. She felt so happy so am I. We were both laughing away and couldn't believe it. Its a wonderful moment of joy together. Can see from Alice's eyes that she too was filled with joy, at least her hardwork in couching us wasn't going to the drain. Even my cousin, Leonard was awarded with Merits call award for his KPI. haha so fun that we graduate on the same day. Alice, Eliane and me had a wonderful time even though the rest was not around. Recently a lot of things had happen and affected our team badly and Alice was going on the verge to give up as she was new to the post and many things was far too much for her to handle. Hopefully this joyous moment will keep her strong and move on together with us like what she said. No matter what happen as long as we are together. Our bonding with one another is like a family and its so fun having them around. Even though we face nasty customer and difficult situation but at the end of the day we know that we still have one another to support. Can't wait for the team building day, and definetly its gonna be fun. Everyone keep up the goodwork!!
Today my friends and team leader totally insipred me alot. They said something like no matter what happen as long as we are together, its the most important. No matter how bad the situation are, we will fight together and no one will be left behind. The bonding is strong and not lossing anyone out. Mina san gambatte ne!! Genki dase yo!! We will not just let others climb on top of our head and shit. We will climb up and fight them down. No matter how stress we are, at the end of the day we still have one another. No one can break as apart, all for one and one for all. We will help one another and we shall shine as one. I suddenly can feel the hikari on me, new hope for us each day. So long since I felt so united as one, we are all not alone and fate brought us together has its own reason. Looking forward to join Aiko to Japan, Hanami wait for me please, Matte kudasai! Sakura here I come, going to see Waseida gakko too. Going to Kyoto to see the beautiful Jinja and Dewa. Going to work hard and acheive my goals, preparing to brush up my Nihon-go too!!
In the wintertime
Keep your feet warm
But keep your clothes on and don't forget me
Keep the memories
But keep your powder dry too

In the summer by the poolside
While the fireflies are all around you
I'll miss you when I'm lonely
I'll miss the sunshine too

Now don't forget me
Please don't forget me
Make is easy on me just for a little while
You know I think about you
I hope you'll think about me too

When we're older a little slower it doesn't matter now come on get happy
'cause nothing lasts forever but I will always love you

Now don't forget me
Please don't forget me
Make is easy on me just for a little while
You know I think about you
I hope you'll think about me too.
Today I realise that people change each day and the change can be dramatic. Changes in life is a must to adapt to enviroment. I too understand that I myself changed and to some it might be bad but some might think is for the better. Up to indiviual's point of view, in order to protect ourselves from hash people and enviroment we need to change and move on even though its not easy and cruel. I never wanted to be someone who is sohpisicated but do I have a choice. I too want to lead simple life and trying my best to be clear enough for others to understand. Everyday in work or walking in the crowded street, I see different parts of others life and things consistently change. Today the bird might flying together in the sky but tomorrow the sky can be empty with clouds. Maybe everything in life is just as fragile as it is, and many things in life I admit that I can't afford to miss it. I already miss too much and I don't want to miss anymore again. I don't know how to express myself anymore, too cautious about the surrounding. Time is short and many times I stop myself too long on the same sport making myself missing out too many things in life. Now I can't wait for anyone and I need to recover all those I had missed out. I want to see more things in life before it ends and it doesn't matter how hard it takes to get it. Life is shorten each day and time is getting more and more limited. I want to get to the fullest of my life each day. Dying alone isn't that scary anymore, what is scary is dying without any accomplishment with regret. My life is like a subway station, different people come and go. Some come often like everyday, some come once awhile and some came and left forever. Being through all this station, I see life as a intersection where people come and go. I miss all the journey that take me to where I am now, like seating in a train that nevers return and only able to look back to the station that is getting further and further away from me till its out from my sight and looking forward to next station. Where will this train brings me to and when is my next station.
Things in life define what kind of person you are. From your hair down to your toe, no need to be branded or labelled. Just carry your own style and walks the path of life. Never think about so many concequences and lead your life to the fullest each day. Live a life that no one bothers you and enjoy every moment. Stores out there are for you to enjoy and not to thinking about so many problems. I admit that I'm a shopaholic, I'm addicted to retail therapy but no wrong and its not a crime, sometimes you just got to pamper youself in life. Walking away from things you wanted, the feeling is so terrible and heart aching. I'm a analaytic person, I will seat down and think of the items that I really want and see how far it will bring me to. Investing clothes and bags people might think is a waste of money but seriously, if those things make you feel better then why not. Smell of italian leathers, smooth high grade canvas, nice fragrance from bottles of parfurm, toilette and shiny paper bags makes the love in the air. I miss the smell of the stores and I'm going to get what it take me on. I'm not being shallow but being look down in life, wouldn't you wanna let others see a different in you. Do what you want like nobody is looking at you.
Some people from outside might think that I'm someone who do things according to what happening around me and thinking that I don't have my own mindset. Seriously people out there, you all are so wrong. What wrong in getting myself something I wanted, I'm not comparing with others neither I'm showing off. I just want to treat myself better, is that a crime? If you don't understand how I feel, just shut the fuck up. I had enough of it, you are talking as if you are so well educated and you been through more than I do. So sorry but you are not, you are talking and no one retaliates you doesn't mean that you are always right. Seriously you are getting more and more annoying, and everytime I do something, you are out there to pour wet blanket. Am I spending your money thanks goodness. If "I AM" than fine, you can say whatever you like but if "I'M NOT", kindly just shut up. After you came back from your overseas trip, I start to dislike you alot especially what you said in the airport. While walking, you said something like in the future when you meet "better friends with higher class". Oh please, I had friends that is from higher class in society but no one talks like you. Your words are worse than what you are trying to picture my friends. Frankly I tell you, YES! I will be happy that I get that bag because at least I work hard to get something I wanted. I didn't rely on anyone and I got it myself. You are saying things like 10years down the road when I look back, I will realise that friends like you are better, more down to earth. Now I feel like telling you that if you are sooo down to earth and I'm so not down to earth, thats my life. As long as I'm happy with my life, I'm fine with it. I don't need anybody to come into my life and tell me, Hey what you are doing are so not logical, so not down to earth. I want a life thats mine not yours and so what if I'm not a straight or what so ever, if you really think I'm a sinner or someone you felt ashame to be with then fine, we can always go on our seperate ways. Anyway you are always like not around, so having you around in my life as friend, Long time ago I'm so use to it without around. Your words are like fart, come out instantly and gone the next moment.
Today early in the morning some weird dreams struck me. I actually dream of him and I can't stop thinking about that weird dream. In any way we are no longer close like before and you went missing for awhile till last month you suddenly sms me and as usual you will disappear again. I don't know why all these happen but its just too weird that I actually think of you and a feeling like missing you and I really hate it. I'm not hating you but just that I feels that for now I shouldn't be missing you and thinking about you. Are you that hard for me to forget or I actually did not forget you but throw all the memories to the back of my mind. I don't know how to tell myself that you are still around and memories lingers around me that is almost impossible to forget. I suddenly miss you voice so much and many many things for me to recall. I know that we are no longer the same and as we grow up, we really see things differently and I really miss the past we had together but rest assured that I'm not coming back to you. People like you doesn't deserves nice people like me. I tell myself that I'm gonna move on without you.