Something is wrong with my left eye. Its adnormal and its hard for me to explain. I never really realise as I thought I might be thinking too much or some illusion until I realise that its real. I never really thought so much about it until it start to bothers me. Many things is really beyond control and I really wonder why everyone is born so different. Born with it just have to bear with it but its hard to control. Will I end up like him? Those pain and feeling can be torturable. I really hope all this pain won't come to me.
Finally my Palkia had reach Singapore safe and sound. I'm so happy that finally i got it and through all these time, finally no more searching up and down for it. But today I'm sad at the same time. Suddenly alot of memories hit me real hard and for a moment I felt lost. After all those tears flow down one by one, I realise that actually life can be so fragile and helpless. I felt that sometimes in life all we need is someone who we can really rely on and have a shoulder to cry upon it. Many hopes had been trashed and I really miss those time where I'm much more happier. I can't really remember when is the last time I really felt happy from the bottom of my heart. The bottom of my heart is so dark and cold, nothing warm and glowing can be felt anymore. Masaaki doshite no kokoro samui desu ne. I really hope to have someone to standby me and really able to let me rely on. Too tired to go any further, and I really want to lead a life with someone I can share with.
First time I'm really kind of disappointed in updating a entry about friends. Many things in life just change without you noticing includings friends. Some people just like to put up show infront of you and doing/talking about stuff behind you and I'm not talking about back stabbing but some disappointment they actually do in life. I always believe that there are always some people out there who are real nice and sincere friends but does this belief really exist. I think that I'm a person who don't harm friends and you don't lose out in knowing me as a friend or rather to say that anyone so far lose something in knowing me? Please come forward and let me know. Maybe I might be a bit naggy or like to poke my nose into your life but I'm sincerely doing for your own good and not making you feel difficult you see. Even though our friendship might not be long like 10years but this 4/5years, we seen each other grow up together. Our friendship wasn't like before, we are becoming like strangers and all we know about one another is the past. I find it a bit pathetic and why does this happen even though we do meet up often. Is it because you did not really open up your heart as a friend or I'm no longer your friend anymore? I felt that you really change but you think that I'm becoming more and more annoying. I feels that you are like drowning in the sea and there I throw the float to save you but I insist on struggling and not accepting my help. I really don't want to see your life just end up like that. I do hope to see you upon being success and fulfiling your goals in life. I can only do and talk so much and the rest is really up to you to choose. I never ever wanna harm you but just wanna see you getting better in life. You deny your responsibility and choose to run away from reality. I do really miss the old you and now I start to wonder that is it I change or you had changed. This inncident shows that our friendship no longer can last and coming to an end or it never really exist before? I really don't know how to face you in future. I also can't advice or talk to much, what I can do is limited and its beyond my control. Just like a river no matter how hard it try to give life to other life but one day eventually it will dry up. I felt so lost in this friendship.
Recently just joined back the work forces, need sometime to adapt back to working life. Meeting new people and new enviroment, and of course gaining more expreience. I have been searching for the life that I want and the destiny waiting for me to fulfil. Life can be like water, when something stand up on you, you can either stay stagnant or crave a new path. Many people claims that they have the right path and asking others to join them. How true is it? If it's really the right one, how sure are you about that? Life is in indiviual's hand and only one can control its fate. Having the life like others make you successful? Making money out of something is really that good? I'm not too sure about it myself but I know that leading a own happy life is wonders. Having to do the things you like can be great, even going out alone.
Today went to find Aiko, asked her for help cause I need to place order at Rakuten for my Palkia. We figure out that actually it wasn't too hard after all haha. Don't know why Rakuten got problem accepting Diners so in the end I used my mastercard. Hopefully the shipping of my long waited Palkia will reach Singapore safe and sound. Waited for so long and finally its coming. Can't wait to see the actual thing, wondering when it will be coming. Heard many things and through it I also shared my life story with Aiko, somethings in life is just beyond our control and many betrayal make us numb and losing temper just won't solve it. I always thought that relationship can be real sweet but the story behind stay a mystery. Somethings just look too perfect to be true.
Today morning went to Serangoon North for the Singtel interview and even though the waiting time was long but everything was worth waiting for. Waited for so long and I thought nothing happen and miracle happen. I got the job and they pay higher then what I expected, and they even provide me allowance. Gosh!! Gonna work hard and perform well and make sure my future is shinning bright.
I'm so sick, think throat infection is about to start. So gross!In 10hours I'm heading down for some interview so hope everything will go smoothly. Just an hour ago, Javier called me. Miss the days we spend together, even though the period was short but our bonding was strong. These few days had been running up and down for interviews and the respond was that good. I felt kind of empty, and don't know how to get back to this society. A lot of preasure and stress about so much things in life. I hope to take a break too but somethings in life don't allow that. I felt kind of emo at times but I can't just give in to it now. I need to stay strong and pull till the end.
I really need help, I felt so helpless. Life wasn't as I thought it will be after ORD.
Many things had happened recently, friend's dad fall sick. Wonder my friends able to cope with it. Can't help her much as I'm also in difficult position in life. Done some mistake in life recently too. Had many chapters in life waiting for me to unfold. Miss my days in army when I had so much fun with Eugene (Mentor) and Javier (lessie). Life seems to be real too unpredictable. Family problem arising, endless "suprise" out there to make it more desprating in life. Realise that I had a problem recently and can't tell anyone as its a bit not easy to just say from mouth and its a bit personal. Too many things had happened, I want to break out from this hell.