Recently many thing had happen and changed around me. Everyday is a day for me to challenge, no matter how hard I try, there always many things that will trying hard to pull me down. Trying harder and harder each day till the day I drop, many people around me are try to help but still there is many problem coming up. Gone through so much all these years, wonder what had I learn in life. Asking myself each day that will I be a better person or becoming worse?

Think alot but no conclusion, at times walking aimlessly don't know where to go. Feeling lonely but yet disturb, everything seems to be so unreal yet so real making me so confuse. Telling myeslf not to give and to put in more, but how much can I continue to put in more. People are getting stronger each day and what about me. Turning weaker or strong, mentally or psyhically? I wonder why? Everyday facing the same old thing making me so sick and tired of living but still we have to live. In this world either you live or you leave and this is the cruel thing I wouldn't deny. Well so far the only thing I put in my blood and soul to get with my own hand was my this precious boy's kid silk kimono, the next thing I wonder how much effort I need to put in to get it.

Miss my family so much, miss them like I never miss them before everyday. I wonder how many months more to go before everything ends. Well anyway this entry is abit emo but no worries my dear friend who is reading this entry, I won't leave this world but live this world.

Take care, miss ya.